Most ADHDers I know have a really hard time taking care of themselves and their own basic needs. However, when we don’t take care of ourselves, our symptoms become worse, and being productive becomes increasingly harder! That is why ADHD and self-care is such an important topic, and the second of my four hidden ways that ADHD affects your writing life.
ADHD and self-care: how the problem starts
When I don’t feel good in my own skin, the first thing that usually happens is that I abandon my sleep schedule. Because I go to bed later, I wake up more tired. Because I’m more tired, it’s harder for me to do the things that are hard with ADHD: paying attention and practicing self-discipline. That means that during the day every activity takes more energy and I end up exhausted by the end of the day. Because I’m so exhausted, I don’t have the discipline required to go to bed on time. And that’s how I get stuck in a downward spiral.
And this is not only true for sleep schedules.
The plant-list
When talking about ADHD and self-care, I like using the analogy of my house plants. When my house plants do not get the right amounts of water, nutrients, light or space, they get droopy and start to wither. The same is true for people with ADHD, though we have a few additional needs as well: rest, structure and movement.
But here’s the problem: the more droopy we get, the harder it becomes for us to check things off our plant-list. So many ADHD writers don’t drink enough water. They neglect to eat, take breaks, go outside… Do anything their brains and bodies need to perform at the highest level. Then, they abandon the structure they need in their days, and spend all their time in a messy environment they don’t feel safe in.
And at this point, they hire me as their ADHD writer and say: “I feel that I don’t write enough, what can I do?”
Well, the first thing you need to do if you want to become a better writer is start to take care of yourself. But as I said, ADHD and self-care is a broad topic, there are many reasons why taking care of yourself is hard with ADHD. Here, let’s focus on the three main ones.
We're more motivated to do literally anything else
The first reason why ADHD and self-care is such a difficult combination has to do with the way our brains are motivated. Psychiatrist William Dodson posits that whereas neurotypical people (those without neurodivergences such as ADHD) are motivated by importance, whereas we ADHDers are not. Instead, we are motivated by four things:
- Interest / Passion
- Novelty
- Challenge (what I call gamification)
- Urgency / Pressure
In short: INCU.
But I have realized that these are not only the things that motivate us, they’re also the factors our brain uses to prioritize tasks. Tasks that are interesting, new, and urgent will feel a lot more important than those that are not.
Now, let’s get back to our plant list. Most of these basic care practices are none of the things that motivate us. They aren’t usually interesting, definitely not novel, they don’t feel like a game, and there’s no pressure to do them. And I’m not even talking about hygiene tasks, which have the same problem!
But even if you do feel motivated to take care of yourself – for example by hunger, which makes eating feel a lot more urgent, there can still be an ADHD-ish barrier to doing it.
Neglect as a form of self-discipline/ing
People with ADHD, statistically, have a lot more self-doubt. And that’s no wonder, as ADHD children receive 10 times more negative feedback than their neurotypical peers! From childhood onwards, we’ve been told we are wrong, and punished to “help us” change our ways. It breaks my heart to think about all the children who are going through this as we speak. But this has huge consequences in adulthood as well, and one of the consequences relates to ADHD and self-care.
You see, many of us have learned two things from these childhood experiences:
- We are bad, wrong, or broken in some way;
- The way to fix ourselves and our behavior is through disciplining and punishing ourselves.
So as soon as we see evidence – usually in our writing practice – that we are not perfect, our natural response is to punish ourselves. And the easiest way to do that is to deny ourselves the things our bodies say we need: drinking, eating, resting, and even going to the bathroom.
Okay, take a deep breath. The next challenge of ADHD and self-care is less triggering, I swear.
We simply forget
So the third reason why ADHD and self-care is such a difficult thing? We simply forget.
There’s a bunch of ADHD symptoms that can lead to this happening.
- Our timeblindness can make us unaware that 20 hours have already passed since we last slept or ate.
- Our hyperfocus can pull us out of our bodies and into the task we’re hyperfocusing on, so we do not register the signals our bodies are giving us.
- Because of our memory issues, we can forget that it’s Thursday, and that on Thursdays we go for a run.
And these are only the three that immediately sprung to mind!
Even if we are motivated to take care of ourselves, and we don’t fall into the discipline through neglect-trap – our forgetfulness can still make ADHD and self-care an issue.
So how do we fix these ADHD and self-care issues?
What I hope this blog post does for you, is to make you more aware of the ways in which ADHD impacts your self-care and therefore your writing life. As we saw with the plant analogy, you can’t expect yourself to be productive and focused if you don’t provide your body and brain with their basic needs. But ADHD makes taking care of yourself so. Hard.
Becoming more aware of the ways this works, I hope, will give you more self-compassion. It’s important to remember: It’s not your fault!
But awareness, of course, is only the first step.
ADHD Awareness Month mini blog series
This blog post is long enough as-is. And as it’s part of my ADHD Awareness Month mini blog series “4 Hidden ways ADHD affects your writing life,” I wanted to focus on building the awareness you need to treat yourself with more self compassion.
However, knowing that is not going to solve all your issues. Even though this ADHD and self-care mess is not of your making, you do have to learn to live with it. And I don’t want to leave you with more problems and no answers.
If you’d like my strategies and tools for creating a self-care practice for ADHD writers, just fill out the form below. Then, I’ll email you a link to a Google Drive where you can find a PDF with tools and strategies for each of the four blog posts in this series.
ADHD writer's Self-Care Starter Kit
Fill out this form to receive an email with the tools and strategies you need to take better care of yourself!
